Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
