The best revenge is premature balding
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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