Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just googled if crying burns calories
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
God, I missed his penis.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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