Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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