It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
