So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
