I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
