I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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