Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
