something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You may now shotgun with the bride
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
