I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
