Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
