FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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