Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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