I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
