I can feel you judging me through the phone.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't deserve a penis
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
