Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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