She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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