I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
