what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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