Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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