his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
