If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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