today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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