But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
