dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
