my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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