the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
