That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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