I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
