Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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