yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
