I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
