This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
