when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
