There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
