I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
