he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
