What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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