Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
