dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
