Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
