thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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