Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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