Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
