"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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