And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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