Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
