break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
