i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
