he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
