I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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