Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
