I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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