This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
