my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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