Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
