The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Watching her eat just hurts me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
