is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
there's paper in my vomit.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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